»-(¯`v´¯)-»BEAUTIFUL ME»-(¯`v´¯)-»

I

I hope you know, that I love it when you laugh.

And I love it when my hair gets in your mouth when you kiss my neck.

And I secretly enjoy being tickled, and even bitten.

I'm proud of every mark you've ever left on my neck.

I love when you hold me against the wall and kiss me. I mean, really kiss me.

And the texture of your tongue makes me weak.

And I'm just making sure that you know, you're the only reason I bother anymore.

If it weren't for you, I would have already surrendered.

I love it when you rub my feet when they get cold, and when your hands get cold, you put them in my pockets, rather than your own, or on my stomach.

And I love how you're almost never cold.

I'll always remember the time you put your ear to my chest, and told me that you could hear my heart beat, and that it was beating too fast.

I love it when you call me every night, just to talk. And our conversation lasts hours, and sometimes, most of it is silence.

I love how you feel that you need to protect me, even from things that are harmless.

And even though I hate having my picture taken, you spending $10 on a camera, purely to take pictures of me, makes me smile.

The fact that things went from good to bad, to great, and to worse, just makes me angry.

And the fact that you said it was because you didn't want to hurt me, makes me want to reach down your throat and rip out your heart, like you did to me.

When I asked, "So you're breaking up with me?" and you answered, "I don't know", Yeah, that just made me want to tear you apart.

And when you saw me in the hall, grabbed me and hugged me, and told me that you were sorry for hurting me, that just makes me want to kiss you, with tears running down my cheeks.

I like how you still ask me for hugs, and tell me that it's okay, even though we both know, that it really isn't.

And I hate how you hide the fact that your not wanting to hurt me was just an excuse.

I know you lied.

I hate when you laugh, and it's not with me.

And I hate that I cut my hair so short, that it wouldn't get in the way of your kissing my neck anymore, not that it matters.

And I miss being tickled and bitten.

I wish that hickey never faded.

And I hate how, every single day, I have to walk by that spot where you first held me against the wall to kiss me.

I hate the texture of your tongue.

I hate how there's no real reason to bother anymore.

I almost want to surrender.

I hate how my feet are always cold and my pockets always empty.

And I'll bet that my heart is beating too slow now.

I hate when the phone rings, and I expect it to be you, and then I remember what happened.

I hate how those things that seemed harmless, are now hurting me the most.

I miss being surprised by you and your camera, and I hate how you'll probably never get those pictures developed.

Most of all, I hate how I miss you, and there's nothing I can do about it.